I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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