Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
