I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
