there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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