remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
