I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I cut my penus on the lid.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
