the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
