I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Randomize