The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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