nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
