Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
