i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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