well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
