I wish I could teleport
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
