Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
She just used a chaser for red wine.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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