wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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