My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
