Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
