using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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