he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
