I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
