And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
