Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
