The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
