come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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