i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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