there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
