areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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