Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
