The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize