dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
