why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
