just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
