I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
