Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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