I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
