if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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