Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
