He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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