mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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