It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
