To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I just found puke in my bra..
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
