Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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