I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
