I smell stomach acid.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
So vagazzling was a success
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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