the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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