people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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