fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
