So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize