she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
