Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
whose parrot is this?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
