I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
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