he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
