found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
