I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
They left me at home... I'm a liability
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
