I don't usually arrange sex via text message
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You were trust falling into bushes
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
