So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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