apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize