I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
