im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
