I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
