tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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