I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
