Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
