I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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