I heard we made out
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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