i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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