youre lurking in front of me
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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