I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
