just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
