I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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